If You Look Like You’re Coping, No One Checks If You Actually Are
You look fine. You sound fine. You’re doing a good job.
➡️ Which is exactly why no one checks if you actually are ⬅️
No one asks if you’re okay.
And if they do, they expect the stock response - ‘oh yes, fine thanks - you?’
That’s how it goes when you’ve built your reputation on being the one who can handle anything: the back-to-back client calls, the last-minute site visits, the travel delays, the “quick update” meetings that end up taking two hours 🙄
You’re the safe pair of hands. The calm voice in the chaos. The one who steps up when no one else volunteers - because there’s that little voice inside that says ‘if you don’t step up for this, you won’t be asked to do that’
So there you are - looking like you’ve got everything covered.
The thing is, when you’ve spent years making it all look easy, people stop realising how hard it actually is.
And really?
Deep down - you’re hanging on by a thread.
❌ No one knows you were awake at 3am worrying about the contract renewal numbers.
❌ That you were too wired to enjoy bedtime stories because your brain was still running through tomorrow’s staffing issues.
❌ That the thought of another contract tender meeting makes your stomach drop because you’re running on caffeine and adrenaline, and it’s only Tuesday.
But you don’t show that.
You smile. You stay upbeat. You keep the mask firmly in place. Because that’s what leaders do, right? They hold it together - for their team, their clients, and the business.
Really though,
Coping isn’t the same as thriving.
Even worse?
➡️ When you look like you’re coping, no one checks if you actually are ⬅️
Your boss assumes you’re fine because you always deliver. Your team leans on you, knowing you’ll step in to assist. Your friends say, “I don’t know how you do it,” but they don’t ask how you really are - because from the outside, it looks like you’ve got it all handled.
But behind that glossy surface, it’s exhausting. You’re constantly firefighting. Constantly thinking about the next problem before you’ve even solved the current one.
You’re the one holding everyone else up - but no one’s holding you.
And you tell yourself you’re fine. Because stopping isn’t an option. Not when the team looks to you for calm. Not when your boss expects results. Not when the ghost of last year’s redundancy rumours still whispers in the background.
You tell yourself it’s just a busy season.
But it’s been a busy season for three years now.
So you keep going. You keep coping. Until one day, you realise that coping has become your full-time job.
➡️ But what if “coping” isn’t the bar anymore? ⬅️
What if real leadership - the kind that inspires and sustains - comes from showing that you’re human, too? From saying, “Actually, I’m not fine - here’s what I need from you…”
Because no one wins when leaders burn out quietly. Not you. Not your team. Not the business.
So here’s your reminder: You don’t have to look perfect to be powerful. You don’t have to keep coping just to prove you can.
Because the strongest leaders aren’t the ones who never crack - they’re the ones who don’t pretend they don’t, and have learned to work with the resources they have to get what they really need.
If this resonates - if you’ve been holding it all together for everyone else and wondering who’s holding you - this is where I come in 👋
I offer you the space to be yourself. Unapologetically and without judgement.
I help you reconnect with what matters to you - the real stuff, not just the ‘shoulds’
And I support you to figure out what that looks like in your life.
➡️ So you can start thriving - not just surviving ⬅️
Because you deserve more than just “coping.” You deserve to love the life you’ve worked so hard to create.
If you're ready to do more than just cope - reach out. Book a call and let's talk about how I can help 💌
💌 If you enjoyed this, you’ll love The Load, Lightened - my weekly Friday newsletter. It’s packed with real talk, practical fixes, and quick wins to help you juggle work, family, and everything in between.