Mum Guilt
“Her wee is red!”
Picture the scene: early morning chaos 👇
Kids shovelling Coco Pops like they’ve never been fed before. I’m juggling lunchboxes, water bottle and ambitiously trying to make a cup of tea while fielding the demands of the two mini humans I’ve created.
My husband makes the announcement fairly casually, without realising he’s just cast doom over my day.
Not because I thought something awful had happened to my toddler — I’m an eternal health optimist.
But because I knew red wee probably meant doctor, or if Chat GPT was to be believed, a siren blaring, blue-light flashing trip to A&E - and it definitely meant: no work for me today 🤦♀️
My mind immediately jumped to the clients expecting to hear from me today, the to-do list I meticulously plan to maximise my child-free hours each day and the ever optimistic ‘get to this someday soon’ list that I’m hoping I might one day make a dent in. All of which, in that one sentence, are now off the cards.
The Guilt Default
➡️ I know I’m not alone ⬅️
A recent Bright Horizons survey found that 77% of working mothers feel guilty when work and family commitments clash, especially when it means taking time off for a sick child.
After all, when the call comes from school it’s rarely Dad rearranging his diary.
As mothers, we’re the default parent.
The one kids turn to when they’re sick. The one who automatically reshuffles diaries, moves meetings, and mentally calculates the stuff that can slide - and the things that absolutely can’t - when the inevitable sickness strikes.
As summer turns to autumn and the kids are back in school, we’re primed and ready for sick season - and it’ll be us rolling our eyes, letting out a sigh and accepting we’ll be working long into the night to make up for the time we’re about to miss during the day.
It’s a no-win game, isn’t it?
If you stay home → you feel like you’re letting the team down.
If you go in → you feel like you’re letting your child down…. Plus you know Calpol can only starve off the inevitable ‘X isn’t well… you need to come and get them’ call for so long - and looking the nursery worker who knows exactly what you did in the eye when you come to collect your child is akin to admitting to your Mum that yes, it was you who send 373 texts on your Nokia 3310 to the boy you fancied back in the day and actually she does need to pay the phone bill 😧
It’s lose-lose: Either way, the guilt comes with you.
The real kicker is there isn’t a “right” answer, just a lingering sense you’re falling short somewhere and maybe some minor resentment for life choices made several years ago
Here’s the Truth
A study from Working Families UK shows that two-thirds of mothers feel their employer’s culture makes it hard to prioritise family needs without guilt.
Let’s be honest - In our industry, absence is a huge operational pressure — which means mums in leadership roles feel extra guilt about being away, even for legitimate reasons like a child being sick.
You aren’t failing as a Mum if you send your kid to school when they’re a bit under the weather. And you aren’t failing at your job if you stay home because your child needs you.
That conflict that you feel isn’t proof you’re failing.
➡️ It's proof you care about both ⬅️
✅ It’s hardwired into you to protect your kids. Human civilisation wouldn’t have survived without Mama bear’s protective instinct.
✅ It’s ingrained in you to be ambitious at work — women before you fought damn hard to have it all - and now you do.
The frustration you feel when staff on the ground call in without a second thought the minute their child coughs doubles down because you don’t have that luxury.
For you, this isn’t just a job.
It’s your career - and ultimately, the buck stops with you. Somehow, the work needs to get done - and no one else is doing it.
Plus let’s be brutally honest. Sitting on site with coffee on tap and notifications you can mute is [much] easier than looking after a grumpy, snotty, poorly child - even if you feel bad for admitting it (I don't).
Guilt is not evidence you’re failing. Guilt is evidence you care - and proof you’re prioritising everything else above your own needs.
Caring about both your work and your family is a strength, not a flaw. When you set boundaries you trust, you give yourself permission to be “enough” in both roles - and finally quiet the constant guilt and second-guessing.
That frees up headspace for what really matters: the child who just wants Mummy cuddles, or the conversation with a manager that genuinely can’t wait.
➡️ That’s what I help you to do ⬅️
The red wee, by the way? Dragonfruit.
Turns out the girls had munched their way through half a fruit bowl the night before.
I’ll stick with bananas next time 🍌
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